What a $lut!

Okay, it’s official: we all hate Ke$ha now. We will make leering jokes about her promiscuity despite the fact that the public image she has crafted for herself is already something of a joke about promiscuity. For the next couple of years we will unleash on her a particular kind of vitriol that has no equivalent male target. When asked why all the hostility given that we are also contemptuous of religious conservaties who believe that female sexuality is a thing to be suppressed, we reply that there is actually nothing gendered about our attitude towards Ke$ha. We simply hate her because she’s a fame whore.

The first of the current batch of slut-shamed celebrities was Britney Spears, but “…Baby One More Time” was released back in 1999, the last century, when we all danced by lamplight in hoop skirts and whalebone corsets. Besides, she looked pudgy for her big comeback at the MTV Video Music Awards in 2007, so now she’s just someone’s mom. At some ill-defined point in the past eight years Britney was supplanted by Kim Kardashian, but sometime after that Kardashian bifurcated into a set of hard-to-differentiate siblings, plus their father was one of O.J. Simpson’s attorneys, which makes them part of American history and therefore secretly classy. The whole business became diffuse and vague. Her/their run is nearing over, but the family has money, so they’ll be fine.

But this Ke$ha person. I was walking around my Seattle neighborhood recently and stumbled upon a jokey club promotion poster on a telephone pole which in part read:

Last night they played KE$HA but she BLEW. Later THE DJ switched to some real music.

Though nominally a prosaic description of the music selection at a club, typographic sleight-of-hand makes it clear that what really happend was that Ke$ha gave a blowjob to the D.J., and that’s the only reason a talentless hack like her gets her tracks played. This is sort of funny, inasmuch as blowjobs are inherently funny, but taking the literal world of the joke seriously for a moment, what harm was done? There was a D.J., who presumably got into the business in part for the sexual opportunity it would offer him. Then along comes the comely Ke$ha, and things pay off exactly as intended. I hope he wasn’t the one who put up those posters, because that would be a seriously dick move.

Allow me to put not too fine a point on it at all. At the time of this writing, Ke$ha is twenty five years old. She has long blonde hair, a pretty face, and a slender body. She currently inhabits the upper reaches of conventional female beauty. If you are a straight man, odds are you will never have sex with Ke$ha, or anyone who looks like her. If you are a woman, odds are that you are less attractive than Ke$ha is at this particular moment in time. She has romantic opportunities to which you will never have access and will probably be able to parley them into a long-term monogamous relationship sometime around 2019 or so. Ke$ha is a flash in the pan, but still has more money and has sung more hits than you or I ever will. Get over it, because the hostility was never about her to begin with.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Those that tremble as if they were mad. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to What a $lut!

  1. Pingback: Beyoncé’s Bride Price | Corner Cases

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s