–Samantha!. We’re confident we can build the whole show around her. She’s funny, sexy, and larger than life! The women will want to be her and the men will want to bed her. She’s also campy, so the gay men will want to be her too.
–…a single woman…
–…and her comic misadventures in the big city. Friends, romance, success. Having it all!
–…in her forties.
–Yes. Somewhere in her mid-forties. It’s not plausible for a younger woman to own her own public relations firm.
–You promised HBO it would be sexy. The development prospectus we agreed upon specifically said–here it is right here: “Sexy”.
–And indeed it will be. Part of the delight of the show will be experiencing the weekly vicarious thrill of sex with our blonde bombshell lead.
–Who is in her forties.
–Who is played by Kim Cattrall. Miss Honeywell the gym teacher from Porky’s. I can guarantee you no small enthusiasm on the vicarious-having-sex-with front. Besides which, romance is only half the show. The other half is a workplace comedy about Samantha running a publi-
–That sounds great but let’s get back to the. Uh. There’ll also be…younger women, right?
–Sure, her group of close gal pals are all younger than her. Samantha’s crabby lesbian best friend will be played by Cynthia Nixon, who’s a hoot. For the part of the naive young writer Samantha takes under her wing we’ve lined up Sarah Jessica Parker.
–One of the girls from Square Pegs.
–The one with the braces or the horse-faced one?
–Horse-face. But she’s matured into a lovely young woman.
–Oh, she’s cute…
–Well that’s wonderful, but here at HBO we need assurances…
–…that you will take full advantage of the unique story-telling opportunities that cable television offers.
–…I had such a crush on her. [Sings] Square Pegs! One size does not fit all…
–I don’t follow.
–That you will deliver an artistic product finely attuned to the medium for which it is created.
–I still don’t follow.
–He means will we get to see tits?
–Oh. Yes. Lots.
–Will we get to see Sarah Jessica Parker’s tits?
–Unfortunately miss Parker does not do nudity. But that actually works out, because her character is terrified of sex. On the other hand, as I understand it doffing her top is just Kim Cattrall’s way of saying, “Nice to meet ya.”
–Okay. So–Samantha has a boyfriend?
–Samantha has lots of boyfriends!
–Which one does she marry?
–She doesn’t marry any of them. [General consternation] Every few weeks we have a new guest star who is Kim Cattrall’s Mr. Right Now. We figure we’ll alternate between hunks and funny character actors. That’s how we’ll keep things fresh.
–Okay, but which one does she secretly want to marry?
–She doesn’t want to marry any of them. Samantha doesn’t want to pick just one man. Besides she’s having too much fun with her friends and her public relations firm.
–I’m lost. I was following you up to the tits part, but now I’m lost. Who gets married then?
–No one gets married. Well, maybe the naive young writer…
–…Sarah Jessica Parker?…
–…comes close. There’s a story arc we’re kicking around, a romance between her and a character we haven’t fully worked out yet–we’re just calling him Mr. Big for now. He’s a wealthy, older, emotionally abusive sociopath who she falls for because she’s so insecure. She almost marries him, but at the last minute Samantha talks some sense into her, so everything works out okay.
–Alright. Well, I didn’t get where I am by not taking chances. I think you’ve got something here.
–Thank you, thank you, thank you.
–Just one thing.
–It can’t be set in Duluth, Minnesota.
–But-but! We’ve got this whole recurring Lutefisk motif…
–Duluth isn’t sexy.
–…and the Coen brothers have already signed on to direct an episode!
–No. No flyover territory. The show is set in New York City. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about. Sometimes you have to compromise. New York City.
–…and maybe a bigger role for Sarah Jessica Parker…
–[Deflating acquiescence] New York City.
–Listen, you’re on to something here. You’ve almost got it. Come back in a week. Give me sex, give me the city, and you’ve got a deal!
- Belonging to the emperor
- Embalmed ones
- Fabulous ones
- Included in this classification
- Innumerable ones
- Stray dogs
- Suckling pigs
- Those drawn with a very fine camel’s-hair brush
- Those that are trained
- Those that at a distance resemble flies
- Those that have just broken the flower vase
- Those that tremble as if they were mad